Steps to end a rut: It’s not what you think
Steps to end a rut: It’s not what you think
Patricia: I remember being frustrated that I was unable to feel stylish. So, I spent a lot of time watching videos about fashion and style; I even hired a stylist! It helped for a while, but then the effect wore off. My frustrations with my style continued and even impacted my performance at work and other aspects of my life. My big “wow moment” came when I finally learned about my personal style—and I realized that I didn’t need to be up on the latest trends to reflect an image I was classy and elegant.
There are two morals to this style story that I notice in my coaching practice every day: the need to uplevel your personal style and to change your mirror. I then offer ways to take stylish action.
Uplevel your personal style.
The moral of this and other style stories is simple: up-leveling your style can help you break out of a rut. Think about it. Have you ever felt blah or drab, but then restyled your car and suddenly started feeling better? This is an example of how our style can affect our mood and sense of self.
It’s true—what you think about your style affects how you show up in the world. This means that when you feel confident and elegant at work, at home, and with your family, it affects all areas of your life. As a culture Ph.D., and now as someone with more than ten years of coaching experience, I encounter many style stories like Patricia’s. Her story and others like it demonstrate how defining and up-leveling your personal style can help you free yourself from any ruts you encounter and go on to lead a stylishly elegant life.
Developing and fine-tuning your personal style reduces your stress level and improves your confidence and self-image.
How does this work?
When you feel more assured and happy about how you see yourself, you start showing up differently in the world. The difference may seem minor or, at times, dramatic.
It’s not about following fads or what’s trending this month. Instead, it’s about recognizing and then honoring your true personal style. The personal in personal style is what living stylishly is all about.
How you approach or do any one thing in your life is how you do everything, which means that up-leveling your style will impact your life tremendously.
Of course, there are a few basics to being stylish. However, as Patricia discovered, long-lasting style is about what’s unique and personal to you. That’s what makes it authentic.
To embody your own personal style, another of my expert advice is to first change how you use mirrors.
Change your mirror.
What stories do you tell yourself when you put on a new outfit and then turn to look in the mirror? How often do you stand in front of the mirror while getting ready for your workday and feel frustrated by what you see, thinking you never look good in your clothes or with your hairstyle or makeup?
I have a friend who was working to improve her image but hated even looking at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t make any progress until she changed her relationship with the mirror. Once she did, she came to love gazing at her own reflection—and seeing the person who was staring back at her and all she represented. My friend’s image of herself changed, and her self-confidence grew exponentially!
Simply put, a mirror is an object that, when light is bounced off it, reflects an image. A mirror is a tool, that’s all. A mirror doesn’t hold any power, but the image story you tell yourself does. This allows you to tap into your next-level image and to change your mirror stories.
My clients are high-achievers, influencers, and leaders who feel stuck, or stalled and want to use their style as a vehicle to propel themselves into their next-level selves. Through our work together, they often realize that their current surroundings don’t reflect their true purpose (think: mirror). I support and guide them as they craft and refine their style so it begins reflecting their dream image. This work is rewarding for all involved—it’s incredibly fulfilling for me and is a game-changer for my clients.
Take stylish action.
Now it’s time to get to work on your own personal style. You can begin small if you’d like, taking just one tiny action today. Or go big by taking massive action to style your body and/or surroundings. You might go on a shopping spree. Or hire a stylist if that’s what you need. These are both great steps to take on your style journey.
But as a style coach focused on helping you live stylishly, I must tell you that these actions in and of themselves are insufficient; they’re not enough. You must take action and change your thinking. After all, no matter how many outfits you buy, the messages you tell yourself about yourself will still dictate what you see in the mirror—and, ultimately, if you live stylishly or not.
You need to use your mind as your mirror to break free from style ruts. Begin by answering the following questions and taking action in response:
When I think about my style, how do I want it to make me feel?
How can I embody that feeling now?
What in my current environment fosters that feeling?
What can I do TODAY to align my dream image and style? (Not “One day when I get that promotion” or “One day when I lose the weight.” Then take that action.)
Style is so much more than what you wear; it’s why you wear it. It’s more than how you design or arrange your decor; it’s how your decor is reflecting (or not) your deepest desires. Take the time and do the work to uncover the desires you have for yourself, and then style yourself purposefully.
This process may be challenging, and may even bring up difficult feelings, but it is a worthwhile undertaking. It’s important. Bringing to light your personal style in these ways—empowering yourself to live your best life—is the work that will change your world.