The leadership of being present

The leadership of being present

As I reflect on all that’s going on in the world right now, it’s a great opportunity for leaders to practice holding space for others. Holding space is a place where we just let a person be, talk, and feel how they want and we’re just present without judgment. This is a difficult space because as leaders we are always asked to judge others. We’re always asked questions like: “What do you think?” “Is this correct?,” “Just tell me what to do.” Although there are times in our life (in and outside of work) when judgment is a good thing. However, more than not, holding space is the best gift; but the hardest to give.

Let’s dig a bit deeper into the “Why?” behind this. It simply comes down to the thoughts in our head. Sometimes these thoughts happen when you are holding space for others who state views that many successful people find questionable or that flies in the face of your personal beliefs. Trust me, I coach myself on this all the time because I’ve thought and felt this myself. However, know that what someone says, although may feel difficulty, is only difficult when we make it a problem.

In leadership practice, it can be difficult to hold space because you want to defend or “help” them see a different perspective. However, this is useless. This could be anything: e.g. you practice meditation, but the person you’re holding space for tells you that people who practice meditation are emotionally weak and that is something wrong with them. This can emotionally be draining because the person you are holding space is very aware that you practice meditation. However, what you need to realize is that our psyche, what we think and feel, is that the only reason these words are draining - because of what we make them mean.

As a public leader, I can’t stress enough that situations such as this is something I constantly practice coaching myself on. So the leadership take aways are 1) learn to let go and 2) practice compassion. If, after some practice, you realize that you are not the right person to hold space for that particular person, then be ok with that and step aside - as stepping aside is a practice of holding space. If you can hold space, know that it is a practice that gets easier. Just remember, no matter what they say to you when you hold space, as much as what they say may emotionally hurt and feel personal, is not about you.